Weight Woes

Weight Watchers

A friend and I had joined a Weight Watchers group. At the first meeting the lecturer asked members which food or department at the supermarket was the most tempting to them. One man confessed that Chinese egg rolls were his greatest weakness, and a woman said she found it almost impossible to resist anything chocolate. Finally it was my friend's turn. Taking a deep breath, she announced, "Aisles two, three, four and five."







It's time to diet and exercise when...

...you try to do a few push ups and discover that certain body parts refuse to leave the floor.
...your children look through your wedding album and want to know who Daddy's first wife was.
...you get winded just saying the words "six-kilometre run."
...you come to the conclusion that, if God really wanted you to touch your toes each morning, He would have put them somewhere around your knees.
...you analyze your body honestly and decide what you should develop first is your sense of humour.
...you step on a talking scale and it says, "Come back when you're alone."
...to you, "Itsy-Bitsy Teenie-Weenie Yellow Polka dot Bikini" and "The Impossible Dream" become the same song.
...you accept the fact that you can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but not while you're wearing a bathing suit

Bathroom Scales

Bathroom scales: equipment which only seems to work correctly when one holds on to towel rail, stands on one foot and leans hard to the left.

Diets & Dying

Here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.
CONCLUSION:Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.